It's Hot Outside.

It's hot outside.

No.

Correction, it is not just hot outside; it is RIDICULOUSLY hot outside.

The air is thick and heavy with moisture and every time you breath it feels like you might drown in all the water you MUST be breathing in. It's nights like this I feel most comfortable. I guess because I'm in my room, safe and cold while everything and everyone outside my room slowly melts into a smelly puddle of sweat on their beds. And I sit here safe in my cluttered bubble.


Maybe I'm ignorant to believe that no one wants to be outside in this weather to do the unspeakable. Maybe that makes me naive; to think that the weather can deter someone from hurting someone else or committing a crime because it's uncomfortable outside. 


Yes, it may be a silly thought, but that silly thought keeps me relaxed at night when otherwise I would be scared.   

Ha, Well a Little More Than Two Weeks

So while hanging out with a friend and listening to her read some posts to me from her blog, it got me itching to find mine again.  And so I did, and I read my old posts. I re-lived the feelings I had when I wrote them, and remembered what I was doing at the time. It was an interesting trip down memory lane; like finding an old diary long forgotten. Only, this one was filled with less spelling mistakes. (Thank you spell check and your red squiggly lines)

I came across one post; the last I wrote before my year-long hiatus and I couldn't help but laugh. I was laughing and shaking my head at this particular post, not because of how pathetic I sounded, but because the boy in question was such a complete fool. He still is, and with nearly every fiber of my being I wish I had the chance to lay it all out for him.

I want to tell him how completely unless he is, and how up set I am; not because he broke my heart, but because I was fool enough to allow him to. I never truly believed that I got all my answers that I wanted or needed from the termination of our relationship, but at this point I really don't care. It still irks me, but I will live, because I'm sure of one thing; he will never have a lasting relationship if he doesn't change and he will probably end up alone, still playing with his toys.

There is one thing I would like to add, I wasn't broken up with because of a cold sore.

Our relationship ended when he put an expiration date on it because he didn't want to travel a half hour by bus to see me. So I ended it. Maybe I WAS hypocritical because I asked him not to break up with me over some on-line messenger and ended up doing just that, but the way our conversation had been going that day; the subject was unavoidable. It started with him saying the sentence "Long distance DOESN'T work, so let's just have fun with it until the end of summer." 


No. 


I was not going to waste anymore of my time and money on someone who didn't care about me.


So I ended it; with the help from a dear friend who could type a lot faster and in more coherent sentences than I could at the time. But I didn't get to say all I wanted. 


If I could say any one thing to him it wouldn't be how I faked it every time because he was boring me. Or how I thought the only reason why he could only get off was because he was so full of himself. OR the fact that he had a weird short stubby penis.  


I would tell him that even though he broke my heart and he is probably one of the few people I truly HATE in my life; I don't regret ever being with him because now I know what I true man isn't. I know what I DO NOT WANT in a relationship, and I know what I do not NEED in a relationship. 

I'm pretty sure some part of me wants him to stumble upon this one day, so maybe that's we I'm blogging about it, but either way; it makes me feel better.